WARNING: Contains Explicit Sex and Language.

COLORISM (Colorism essay) by KOLA BOOF POEM HONORING WARD CHURCHILL FORECAST 2010--"VIRGINS IN THE BEEHIVE" by Kola Boof MSNBC INTERVIEW with Kola Boof INTERRACIAL ADVICE ON BECOMING A WRITER by Kola Boof Kola Boof on INTERRACIAL LOVE The Assassination of Dominic Dim Deng Deng Ajak--Hero of Sudan HOW TO GET A MAN (Guaranteed) By Kola Boof Smear Campaign Against Kola Boof Satan's Black Swagger: Reflections by Kola Boof In Honor of Christopher Okigbo by Kola Boof Kola's Secret Perfect Gravy with no lumps in 5 minutes! Kola Boof making Different Kinds of CORN BREAD Kola Boof's Macaroni and Cheese Kola Boof's Bitch-Burn Deviled Eggs, Football Sandwich Yam & Shrimp Stew...African Rice By Kola Boof Kola Boof: Sweet Potato Pie w/CreamCheese Bottom Kola's "Kiddie Roast" recipe for kids How to SAVE "rainwater" for cooking Kola's Version: SPICY Lamb Soup The 12 Mothers of Kola Boof (Influence) Brine TURKEY for Holidays! by Kola Boof SIDE DISH: Kola's White Marble Vegetarian Salad SIDE DISH: Kola's Greek Party Waffles SIDE DISH: Traditional Arab Sweet Potato Casserole DRINK RECIPE: Kola's Wedding/Honeymoon Drink Drink Recipe: "Creamy Mary" Joan Crawford's Famous Meatloaf Recipe Kola Boof's Homemade Perfumes FISH STICKS African Music VIDEO--Kola Boof Singing KOLA BOOF RECIPE Blog LENA HORNE: Soule/Sahra, A POEM by Kola Boof Kola Boof's Ghetto Kola Bar-B-Q Sauce Kola Boof and sleeping with married men REFLECTIONS: Kola Boof



"HOW TO GET A MAN"
(Guaranteed)

by Kola Boof 

 

(*WARNING: Graphic sexual content/not for kids) 

Whether you're looking for a dream Husband...Steady Boyfriend...or casual
"Boy-Toy/Fuck Buddy" situation...

______________

Novelist Kola Boof reveals very unusual "Tips"  that she says are "guaranteed" to get you the man
that you want in whatever capacity that you want him.

(*Originally written for "African-American Literary Library" 2007,
@Kola Boof. REVISED Sept. 2009
)

______________

I've had an awful lot of men.

To my amusement, the MEDIA has cooked up tales about my
"romances" with movie actors Djimon Hounsou, Gerard Butler,
boxer MikeTyson, basketball star Luol Deng...and of course, Osama Bin
Laden, and before him, Osama's mentor--the former Sudanese
Vice President Hasan al-Turabi.

But amazingly, they've never written about the only man I've
ever loved, the man I had children by and called "Hubby" and lived
with for 10 years
--U. S. State Department Electrical Whiz 
and BLACK MAN immigrant from Belize, Simon Palacio.

When I first met Simon, he was a Marine. But eventually, he started
his own business, got picked up by the government and ended up placing
me and our two sons on a $3 million ranch.  He is, without a doubt,
the Hero and "stability figure" in our lives.

More about Simon and why we're separated (but still best friends) later. 

Right now, I want to plainly and explicitly share my personal techniques
about "being in the world" and how to "attract and be with men." If you're one
of my Feminist sisters who doesn't really give a shit about finding
relationships with men--then this article isn't for you.

But if you're someone (of any sex or race) who wants to HONE
your strategy and improve your chances of finding a relationship
(whether it be marriage or just casual sex), then I guarantee that
what I have to say will probably be of great help to you.

You should know that I am "sort of" an African immigrant and not
an American-born Black Woman.

I was adopted at age 8 by a Black American family in Washington, D.C.
(from Sudan)---so while I can easily sound like a  Black American--there are small details (my vagina is infibulated--meaning tribally marked in Arabic and "sewn tight") and I am not Christian or Islamic (I started my own "Womanist" religion)--details that are not altogether in line with what ESSENCE magazine
or a traditional Black American church Mother would advise you.

But let me tell you--men like "foreign" ways.  And additionally, "animal"
spirituality is always more powerful than "intellectual" spirituality when
it comes to love, sex, infatuation and "sustained committment."

Physical attraction is one thing--but to be "beguiled" is quite another.

I am now 40, and I have never not had a man or "men" interested in
me.  I have had interracial relationships; multiple boyfriends; marriage
proposals from 3 races of men--the grand sweeping love story, babies
and "house-wifery" with A BLACK MAN--and been held in North African Castles by two lovers (Turabi and Bin Laden).  

At this moment, I am a somewhat "neurotic" (driven) Career
Woman--a soccer mom/novelist/professional cook/activist who is 
going through what I call my "BoyToy" phase. 

I don't have time or energy for a serious committment, and I still
have a nice body and hot coochie, so I'm on what I call "tour" (*snicker) with Young College Boys who can give me what I need Physically and Intellectually--but without stress or too many emotional demands.

It's the most fun I've ever had with men! But it's not something
I'm going to focus on a lot, because I know that most of my readers
are young inner city Black girls who long for deeper, more romantically
intense connections with men, and unfortunately, are trapped in a society
that doesn't value; publicize or revere Black females--let alone acknowledge
our heart's desires and our basic emotional needs as "credible."

Our struggle is like no other group of women in this country--it's as though
AMERICA (and many Black men) don't even consider us to be Human Beings,
but see us as some obsolete Symbol of History, Other-ness and Misery. 

Our genetic ability to turn whole nations the color of "Cocoa" overrides
who we are as "just people;" just women" in the eyes of  AMERICA and a
great many Black men, who frankly, don't have the courage to BE Black men
and find it easier to accept ERASURE and Genetic/Cultural Neutralization via the White man's mother and other Non-Black women.  But, of course,in denial of this special racism directed at Black wombs, they scream that Black Women simply "have attitudes," are "unworthy" and "unlovable" in comparison to women whose wombs don't compromise "THE LIGHT" by pro-creating Black babies.

Frankly sisters, we're at the bottom of the Food Chain (and though we
fought a revolution for Black men--no one has ever fought one for us.)

AND YES, though this article is called "HOW TO GET A MAN"--we
first have to be realistic about our chances by acknowledging this
unpleasant obstacle as Black females in America...

While all other races of men RULE through their women--the African Male
can scarcely acknowledge he has a mirror image. Sometimes, he'll hold
up a Mulatto woman and try to pass her off as us--but in reality; he is still a
slave and devotee to White Supremacist Hierarchy, and as Black females, this renders us (and our race) invisible, and quite often, abandoned--not to mention traumatized.  The betrayal fills many of us with bitter outrage. But to save
our authentic selves...we need to let that go.

So with that humongous social obstacle acknowledged and out of the way, I've divided this article on "HOW TO GET A MAN" into Two Parts: "SURFACE" and "DEEPER."  We're going to cover getting Romance/Husband first, and
then we'll talk about alternatives like being a Mistress, Having a Harem and
the joys and disappointments of Interracial Love.  All the different ways
that we can have men.

I'm not going to tell you what perfume to wear or anything about Condoms
and Safe Sex--it's your responsibility to already have that understood.

**SOME STUFF IS REALLY SEXUALLY EXPLICIT--so warning you.

I hope that you can appreciate and relate to this way of BEING, sisters.
I guarantee that this really works.  I'll start with having a husband:

 




PART 1: "SURFACE"


SURFACE (Dating)

Sisters, these steps are CRUCIAL for putting yourself under a man's skin--they're
also a PSYCHOLOGICAL "trick"---and they work.

The core root of any type of love/relationship is "Friendship", so
start by making it a point to amass at least 20 Platonic Male Friends.
 

Dismiss the whole notion of having a "boyfriend/a Man/
big romance"--just desire and cultivate a "Pal System."

This will help you to do two things: (1) Expose your personal flaws
to males early (So that some can move away from you or even help you
improve on yourself). (2) Help you "eliminate" any guys you can't tolerate
and would be a waste of time.

THAT ONE GUY WITH POTENTIAL POPS UP
(**THIS IS CRUCIAL)

FIRST MEET A MAN--don't ask him what he does for a living or
how much money he makes.

Just make it clear that you have your own back and put your gaze/smile 
on HIM (his inside character) like a friend would do.

Let the other girls (your competition) ask him Money questions and
everything else that has nothing to do with who he is.

Trust me, some kind of way, it won't be long before he slips you the info on
his financial status--but thing is, he'll have a very "fond" mental and emotional
view of you because you seem to care about him and
not what he has.

Men don't like to be "used" anymore than we do (although, a lot of what I'm
going to tell you in this Blog is on how to manipulate them--I admit that. But
don't be a stupid bitch. If you're going to lead pups to what they really want
(YOU), then be sweet as sugar and soft; understanding; welcoming.)

Don't ever act like a "romance novel reader"--gushy, talking on and on about what
your big dreams are for love and sharing life with a man.  SERIOUSLY--you need
to be "Clinical" and not "emotional" about love/relationships.  Have no expec-
tations, and while being "friendly, approachable & vulnerable" towards males,
don't ever act like you don't already have a man. Don't act available--but be very
cheerful, open and don't be afraid to ever show vulnerability.

OK, you've "cultivated" these platonic friendships with upwards 20 males--now
you have maybe 2 or 3 who hint at or ask you on date. 

Once you have the opportunity to "get together" alone with a guy
for a "date" or whatever...immediately inform him that you
"Don't date." 

YOU: "Craig, ho
nestly--I'm not interested in having a relationship or
a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I had a sex buddy, but I'm not even ready
for that yet (
don't forget to mention that sex buddy arc
). But maybe we
could hang out at the park and feed the ducks
? That would be fun!
"

[If you don't "Get It"--just read that over a few times until you get it.]

If a guy insists on "spending money; a restaurant; movie"--
REFUSE
unless you've already had your first 3 "Psyche" Dates.

Many times, this will SHOCK a guy when you say--"No, I can't go
with you to McDonalds/RedLobster...I don't like guys spending money
on me! B
ut let's go down to the park and feed the squirrels."

DATES WHERE YOU BOTH "PAY" YOUR OWN WAY---don't do it.

This is Psychological. It's not about the events. It's about him being trained
to believe that your interest is strictly HIM indigenously.  He should have
this wonderful feeling about you--that your love is free.

 Psyche Dates

Unless it's Absolutely Survival Induced (gas and lights gotta be
paid or some shit). DON'T let a man spend money on you right off bat.

If you LISTEN to Kola's way--then he'll spend TONS of money LATER.

YOU WANT A MAN "PERMANENTLY"?

Your first three DATES should be something like:

**Meeting at the Park (you could have sandwiches & soda)
**Meeting at the PUBLIC LIBRARY and chat (make up a reason!)
**Meet at the BEACH...and "talk" while walking on the shoreline.

These are Psyche Dates--any kind of You & Him as a Duo that is
FREE OF CHARGE and focuses on you two forming a BOND.

DEEPER: 

KOLA'S FACTS OF LIFE: Despite men's legendary insecurity
which leads to videos/magaz. dictating what they "like" and what type
girl they want to "USE" to impress the other fellas--despite their
bravado over having "Swag" and their Dick-size and not being "punks"
to emotions and all that macho MAN shit---truth is--men are just as
senstitive & emotional deep down as we are.  They're not IMMEDIATELY
as intelligent as we are--because SEXISM doesn't allow men to have
the "Emotional Range" that females are allowed (for instance women
can CRY & HUG other women in public; we're allowed to analyze and show intense emotion)...but men do have the capacity for it...and if you gain
(#1) his trust and (#2) his respect/fondness towards you and (3) You're "about
something
", therefore you're somewhat interesting to him--then you
have a shot at getting him just about any way that you want him.


SURFACE (*FOOD AS A WEAPON "Crucial")

You've always heard Mama say that the way to a man's heart
is a good home cooked meal.

Well, she was wrong.

The way to any man's heart is through great Blow Jobs. LOL!

Just kidding, sisters (*but then again...I'm not.)

FOOD is one of the three Nervous System Requirements for a happy
Human Being (Food, sex and sleep according to Science), male or female.

So think on this:

A major, crucial trick is to learn how to make at least 5 dishes that your
Guy absolutely LOVES---but that no other chick in the vaccinity knows
how to make!  Can't be one or two dishes...it has to be at least 5. In my case,
it was like 55. But, believe me, over time, this gives you leverage.

If you live around a bunch of Latino chicks, then don't make it Spanish food.
Get him hooked on Chili Cheese Fries covered in Goat Cheese & Russian
Shredded Pastrami...if you live in Jackson, Mississippi where every woman
can get down on some Soul food...then get him hooked on French Spiced
Pork Chops with mint sauce, coos-coos and potatoes with crabmeat topping.

It can be very simple shit as well, but he's gotta rave it; request it--then you
know you've come up with a winning dish. Sweet Potato pie with ginger and
a bottom layer of cream cheese.

Thing is, if he gets "hooked" on your cooking--then he'll be coming back. Trust me.

The entire 10 years my hubby and I were together--I made his "cereral"
from scratch. Every sunday, I configured and mixed and bagged his
cereal.  I made fresh bread. I made honey wine. My whole kitchen was
set up to "ambush his ass"---and he wasn't allowed to fix shit!

And yes--I am a Womanist/Feminist woman.

In my case, I love cooking--so it's effortless for me. I also come from
a Nilotic Sudanese culture that says: "
Anything that has babies falling
out of its ass should know how to prepare a meal
." But that's just me.
A lot of women hate cooking--and if you're one of those women, then
focus on other areas. But for women who do cook--other than really
intense blowjobs, cooking is about your strongest SPADE in the deck
for screwing up a man's "Selection Process" (and trust me, Men have
about 300% more mating options to choose from than we women
do--so don't frown on cooking and blowjob skills as manipulation
tools if your'e serious about wanting to secure a Man-In-the-House.) 



(Hate these photos, but it's Typical Naima.)

Later, I will go into detail about why Simon and I are no longer together,
and why I feel that I need this time for my career and myself.  But right
now,
I just want to impress upon you the power a delicious meal.  

To this day....my hubby PAYS ME $250 a wop to make Sudanese Spicy
Cherry Soup (basically African GUMBO) twice a year, his birthday and Christmas. That's $500.  I'm not his woman anymore, he has a new woman since I chose my career--so he pays me $400 a year in Sweet Potato Pies
(more like he "offers to pay", because the pies are so easy that I usually
make him those free)...he pays me to make him and his new girlfriend
bread; he pays me to make Macaroni and Cheese; he pays me to make
my special "Black Man Burritos", he pays me to make Marble Coconut
Cake (his annual birthday cake since he met me).

Between Simon, a producer friend at NBC Daytime and several other
exes--I make 3 to $4,000 a year just cooking dishes for people.

Finally, one of the main reasons Simon has thanksgiving dinner with
me and his sons every year is because of the Turkey.  My Mexican
girlfriend raises them on a side-hill that is sloped...so the meat is extra
tender from maturing on a slope. I brine the turkeys with sea salt, kosher
salt, Nuntandi juice, tumeric, South African Peppercorns and apple/cinnamon water.  You get a little rum glaze & honey sticking on the bird during baking
and dust with sage and parsley flakes. My knock-out punch is the "cranberry gravy."

So,yeah, sisters. You want to take a deep breath..stop being INTIMIDATED
by the idea and task of cooking...and learn to make very simple, quick dishes,
and after you master and "feel comfortable" with the idea that you can actually
whip up a quick, easy meal--expand that--so that you're "experimenting" and
coming up with stuff that your guy really finds "delectable" and can't imagine
himself without.

Also doesn't hurt to rub your man's belly and feet after a meal IF he's the
affectionate type who doesn't mind you touching him.  I was lucky that my
hubby LOOOOVED attention; loved being kissed & hugged & made to feel
like a little boy.

He gave me everything for making him feel that way.


HEAD

And, of course, hand in hand with great food, men love their dick sucked by someone who appears to LIKE doing it even more than the man wants it.

It's a great way for the guy you love to wake up "some" mornings (with his dick
in your mouth.)  Of course, it goes without saying that men should reciprocate
--but we're talking about securing a man right now.

Not to be scary--but if a man can fuck you in your face hard--and it seems as though
you're breathing through your asshole, not your nose, while you're slobbing that knob, then you'll have a LOT of power of him.

If you're not the best at Head--you can do things like put a "breath strip Mint" or
Listerine strip or something like that in in your mouth so that your tongue slightly TINGLES his penis. Men like you to do "ice cream licks" on the head; pucker and
lolipop-smack the mushroom...lick the staff...and Deep Throat, hard. If you can
learn to do those motions, plus dart your tongue at say the staff while you're shining
the mushroom head--AND suck on his balls; going back and forth--then you'll be
at least considered "good" at it. 

Of course--you can't just give any guy a blowjob--it has to be someone VERY
special to you.  Let's be clear on that.

I don't think it's smart to give a guy a Blow Job when you first meet him
(or have started the Psyche dating process).  What I always do is make sure that
the guys knows that "I like giving head"---but unless I'm just trying to be his
"fuck buddy/Mistress/Maid"---I'm not giving him a blowjob until at least the
2nd or 3rd time that we've actually made love.

And if you really want a Long-Term relationship with a man (arriving at marriage
or a serious commitment)...then it's BEST not to put out for a very long time.

Sometimes, people fuck right away and still end up together in a deep relationship,
but the odds of that happening aren't good.  Especially if you're a Black Woman
(because in our community, "Color Code" means many of us are "to be Used for
sex
" and discarded dependent upon how Africoid our hair, features & skin tone.)

Doesn't matter if you're a Beauty or a Plain Girl or even Ugly--men want and respect the challenge of that girl who WILL NOT put out.

If you're trying to be his WIFE, then don't let a man do anything more than kiss you,
rub your soft legs, fondle you. Be sweet--but pull away and firmly shut it down.

But if you're trying to be "Mistress/Maid/Fuck Buddy"--then you can let your
creative Rita Hayworth side out and enjoy playing the Whore. (Done "safely" and
"intelligently" it's a lot of fun being a whore, too, and I'm not knocking the girls who
are bold enough to enjoy that end of the racket.)

SURFACE (Don't Do It, Sisters)

Don't get pregnant...OK!

If you want a chance at a serious commitment leading to marriage--do not let
a man get you knocked up.

Because more than likely, a man will leave you if you get pregnant and then
you'll have a serious jacked up time getting a "good quality" replacement for
his ass. 

I know how we, as women, think--"A baby will love me unconditionally and I
won't be alone anymore. It will fill up my life...it will look like this man I love so much
."

NO SISTER.

Unless you can feed and clothe and keep a decent apartment--a baby will fuck up your life and seriously slow down your progress in the world.  This is not Africa or a society where babies ARE your life. This is America where the only woman who should think about having a child before age 25 is a MARRIED one.

I was almost 30 when I had my first baby and my Black American Adoptive Mother
raised me and my sisters that we were not to have a baby until we were at least
25.  She used to hiss like a viper when teenaged girls passed our stoop with a
belly sticking out.  

*I had an abortion when I was 17 for the record.  I also lost my virginity when I
was 17.

Even when a Boyfriend insists that you get pregnant and that he WANTS and will love
and support a baby--your chances of being abandoned are extremely high.

Especially if you're a Black Woman.

Don't do it. Stay baby-free as long as you possibly can, and when you do have a
child--make sure that you are financially ready and able to support it by yourself.

Welfare withers the soul and you don't want that for too long--staying on Welfare
can dim your ambition and kill your spirit. GOD BLESS THE CHILD--WHO'S GOT
HER OWN.  Don't have a baby unless you can control everything about that situation.



SURFACE (WHAT YOU STAND FOR)

Whatever your "beliefs" are--whatever your princles and things you stand for are
---NEVER let a man intimidate you into changing your convictions for him.

Once you change your convictions for a man--he no longer respects you.

Men admire and are in awe of women who have strong convictions about something
and demand that their views be respected. 

Now please be aware...a Woman has a right to change her mind about some things.

For instance--you might really feel inside yourself that you should give up being
Christian and become a Jew for your Jewish boyfriend. That's cool---as long as it's
not HIS ORDERS and it's truly, honestly and deeply your own desire.  But do
realize that you can have a Jewish boyfriend and stay Christian. You can.  Just
Tell him he has HIS WAY and you have yours.

But whatever you do, don't let a Man "control" your mind, your decisions, your
convictions, your thoughts. INSIST on asserting (in a pleasant way) who you are at
the intellectual and spiritual core of yourself.

Contrary to public belief...men LOVE strong women as long as they're not Mean, Bitter
and Over-bearing.

SURFACE (Violence)

Do not ever...under any circumstances...tolerate a Man "hitting, slapping, kicking or
beating you."

I was once beaten up very badly by a Nigerian boyfriend in London and was
hospitalized. Osama Bin Laden beat me several times--though I was very proud
when Vice President of Sudan stated: "Only two women have ever slapped Bin
Laden--his mother and Kola Boof
."

Sometimes, I like semi-rough sex (spankings; sex smacks; manhandling). But
stuff like that is between two consenting adults in the heat of passion--I don't
count that as violence.

You can never let a man Beat You or intimidate you with violence, because once
you do--he won't respect you and he'll escalate the abuse.  After so long, it becomes
your fault and not his. Honestly.

  

SURFACE (The Thing About Beauty)

Please pay attention to what I'm about to say here.

"Don't ever...let a man SEE HOW...you put yourself together."

I am definitely NOT saying that women should be made up at all times
--I am NOT saying sleep in your make up.

What I am saying....is that whenever you need to put on makeup or get your
Hair done...DO NOT let your man watch you do it (or watch it being done).  

It's a psychological thing. It takes away from your mystery and allure. You
want to be open and honest with a man--but you also want to keep some sense
of mystery and wonder about yourself. Vanishing with a "plain face" and then
re-emerging with a glam face causes a Mental Blink with men (they're visual
creatures).  Keep that. 

One thing I HATE about "Black Women"---they will sit up in the beauty parlor
chair getting a "Weave" and let their man watch. Or press and curl.  Just as sassy
and demure; boisterous. Letting their Man watch them get their hair done. 

Or at home--they will let their man sit there and watch them wash and blow dry;
watch them get braids or extensions.

One of the quickest ways to have a man LEAVE YOU (other than getting pregnant)
is to sit up like some stupid Olive Oyl letting him WATCH HOW you put yourself
together!

Granted--many women's husbands watch them get their hair done; put on makeup.
But as well, most women's husbands have mistresses who are more interesting than the
wife and cheat on their women "from time to time." (Fuck what the wives claim and
tell you--men, in general, cheat.  Like Bette Midler said: They do it; they do it; they
do it
.)

But listen girls...

You know what men think when they see a woman, any woman--could be Angelina
Jolie--but you know what men "subconsciously" think as they watch you get your
hair did--watch you put on make up??  They think: "She ain't all that--she's not that interesting anymore--I want to find out who that new chick is."

I don't EVER let men watch me put myself together--unless it's my brothers or my
father.

For Psychological reasons---make the man "constantly curious" by refusing to let
him see HOW you put yourself together.  He'll start to realize that he's seen all
his other women put themselves together--but never you.

YOU stand out.

And if you're a Black girl in America---you damn well better.

You could be "considered" the Ugly girl on your block; but Sister, LEARN
to STAND OUT no matter what you're working with.

The main thing about beauty and looks....is that you always, always...strive
to look like yourself.

A good many men are "superficial, insecure." This is a LOOK-CENTRIC society
where so many people aren't aware that there's 2 things that can't be detected with
the naked eye (beauty and love).  People think they can actually SEE...when in
reality, we are all maimed and disfigured by Prejuidce and Social Contruct, Beauty
itself being one of the world's biggest Social Constructs next to RACE. In fact, I call
it Beauty Evil in my books, because we actually think with the naked eye that we
can truly see beauty.

We abuse and destroy so many who really are beautiful, but aren't recognized for it,
because the idea of what is beautiful is an inhumanly narrow ledge.

So that's the thing about beauty--it can't guarantee that you'll be loved, cherished or
anything at all. The most beautiful Black woman is often passed up for a toothless White
whale with brown oily hair, because...STATUS/Level of Whiteness overrides beauty.

One of the ugliest most overrated bitches I've ever seen is Kimora Lee Simmons ("Baby Phat", uh yeah--fat, flat and shapeless alright). But look how this Cabbage-Patch-faced Chinese Golddigger claiming a speck of Black blood is paraded around the Black community by...of course, the darkest skinned of men--notably Djimon Hounsou's niggerstock ass)...as though she's some Prized Queen simply because she's willing
to help classically self-hating dark Black-skinned black men achieve their goal of
aquiring some form of "admixture"--distance from the inferior Blackness that plagues
colorstruck black men (which among the "darkest men" is practically all of them).

Notice that the REAL TRUE GOLD DIGGERS in the Black world--chicks like no-talent
Kimora, Jennifer Lopez and 200 White Groupie Basketball locker room "trophies" are never referred to as what they are---"golddiggers/dick-suck'n chickenhead Ho's." 

But a Black man will call a young Black woman, the "motherseed" of his own race a"golddigger/chickenhead" in a minute, without qualifying it even. She's black like him--so it's Ok in his "nigger mind" to disrespect and de-value his own image while putting a ring on real chickenheads like Kim Kardashian.

And I'm serious about that. To me--Kim Kardashian is a very beautiful woman. But
she's still a Chickenhead Ho--everybody's been in her mouth; everybody!  And the shit is on FILM! Yet because of her color and hair texture, the "niggerstock" rise her up as some glorious genetic achievement--a PRIZED goddess with the power to "transform" nigger men into NEUTRALIZED, more socially acceptable, less threatening caricatures of a black man.

Obviously I don't have too much respect for the Blatant Colorism I perceive in Black men like Taye Diggs, Djimon Hounsou, Seal, Lomar Odam, Kobe Bryant (those types)--but
what I hate the most from those men is the constant message that "their mother's black
image
"...an image continued in new younger Black girls...is not valid; not beautiful; not respectable; not valuable. But in all their "boisterous Kingly-ness" notice they can't AFFIRM their own motherseed (their mirror image; the Black female).  These men CONFIRM what their White Slave Master said along---that Blacks are inferior as a "race"; that Black man will cut off his right leg to have a White woman; that Black children are worthless, ugly and 3/5th of a human being. THOSE MEN, without realizing it (because they're dumb Nigger men) are using their life's "ACTION" to tell that LIE about all Black people everywhere. 

It is without a doubt, the biggest LIE ever told on American soil, and I'll never forgive
"those men" for telling that lie while holding up chickenhead-HO's like the ultra-gorgeous Kim Kardashian and Kimora Simmons as "GODDESS SAVIORS."  Bull-fucking-shit
America.     

So don't OBSESS...don't obsess, sisters, over the "beauty standards" and America's
claim that there are no beautiful "Black women"--only beautiful Mulattos. 

I Kola am not a raving Beauty by American standards. Many men in America have told me that I'm ugly (mostly Black men). But the thing is...I look like myself, I am an African Mother whose womb produced TWO BLACK MEN and I look like Africa. I decided; I decided...that I am beautiful.  When I look in the mirror--I see that Africa and the African
people, male and female, are still alive. If you ask my sons who the most beautiful woman on earth is, they will both tell you without thinking--"Mommysweet."

And that's as it should be.

They believe I am beautiful because I believe it and since their births, I have wrapped
their lives in a world of KOLA BEAUTY.  Every Black woman should let go of the Slavery
Mule/Maid GUILT, the "American Beauty Standards System," the classically colorstruck Dark Skinned Black Man and his plantation-BET inflicted BLINDNESS and adopt the KOLA BEAUTY standard in their lives. You'd produce prouder more self-loving Black children, because truly....BLACK is beautiful.

If Black Women want Black Men to start thinking that Black is beautiful...then Black
MOTHERS are going to have to start creating that reality in the heads of their sons
early and stop claiming they think Black is beautiful while talking out the side of
their mouth about "bring me some good hair grandbabies!" or "get your nappy black
self over here
!"...or all the other ways that BLACK MOTHERS systematically and
"accidentally" raise their boys to accept the Dominant Culture's view about us. 

It is true that the Media and Men are powerful...but women have power, too. And we
don't use ours enough to design the world and the society the way that WE want it. 

No one is going to establish a "Black Beauty Standard" in America for Black Women
but us.

Queen Sojourner Truth once said: "You have take what you want."

That means we, Black women--not Mulattos, not sympathetic White feminists--but
we, Black women, have to rise up IN OUR OWN HOMES and begin to create and
design a "Black Aesthetic" for us; a standard that is for us and OUR children.  When
I teach my sons the African/Cushitic principle about their hair being "The Proof"
--in other words, the marker GOD put on Africans and only our race as "Proof" that we are
his direct children; the ones made in his image and made FIRST as Africa itself is FIRST, I am doing that. Because in order to keep that crown in their family line, they're going to have to marry a woman who can produce "The Proof." 

That is the way that you make strong, self-loving Black men so that the next crop
of young sisters can have love and romance--you pass it down.

But, unfortunately, we have a lot of weak ass Black women who think putting a long
Blond weave and green eyes in their heads makes them beautiful (we've all, including
me, done some formulation of the "White Girl Drag")--but all it does is makes us look inferior and desperate (and pathetic).

No one can respect someone who doesn't cherish and respect themselves. The #1 reason
WORLDWIDE that "Black People" are disparaged is because of how they mistreat,
disrespect, devalue and dehumanize their own people----and that hate started when we
AFRICANS sold our own children into slavery.

Men like Taye Diggs and Seal don't realize that their inability to reproduce their own
image via children is exactly what makes the rest of the world see them as "inferior."
Almost every rich, successful White man AFFIRMS his Kingdom by reproducing SONS
in his own White image--which is human nature...But almost every rich, successful Black
man does the weak ass Michael Jackson "Baby Moon Chalk" trick.  Their message is that the answer to racism is to get rid of the STAIN (blackness) and then we can all sing "We Are the World" and fling our long Spanish hair around while pinning "Mother of the Year" on Madonna.  These men always shout "One love"; they're always up in some Mexican King's face talking about "You my brother" in typical "ass-kissing black man tenor"--but there's no tangible evidence that these niggerstock Africans love their own family; their own people.  They're lost and trifling, and like the ancient loser-ass MOORS--they think EXTINCTION is a medal.   

So, we, as black women, need to seriously rethink our ideas about "beauty" and get
really serious about REJECTING the "American White Girl Beauty Standard" and
start creating and imposing our own standard of beauty.

Especially us Dark Skinned Black and YELLOW women--the ones who actually have the genetic power to keep our people alive and in existense. We have to stop being invisible while Mixed race and Biracial are overly represented and falsely held up as "The Black Woman." That's fucking bullshit, and we who are AFRICANS (Chocolate, Red and "Africoid" Yellow) have an obligation to not stand for the way White Supremacy uses/employs/stations Mixed People to make the real Blacks invisible.

Our daughters won't have "good authentic black men" if we don't produce any, sisters. 



SURFACE (Uncles)

When you're dating a man and you already have children--don't bring him around
your children for a very long time (at least 3-4 months).  Schedule time to "screw" somewhere far away from your kids---or, if your kids are away from home visiting grandparents or first husband or something---that's another decent time. (Sometimes
in the "plutonic friendship" Stage, it's fine for him to meet the kids--yet again, once it
becomes a romantic thing; cut that out immediately).  Don't let men meet and
interact with your kids until the two of you have gotten very, very serious.

Men respect women who respect their children. 

  

SURFACE (TIGHT TINY VAGINA)

Many women let themselves go as they age...they lose vaginal power.

I am ritually/tribally infibulated (muscles cut loose at birth or age 3 and stitched
Tighter into cylinder shape and then Vagina lips SEWN SHUT until the marriage
night....to create what African man calls "Perpetual Virgin").  Even after babies, Infibulation does not go "loose." You are "Perpetual Virgin" for life.

Of course, my life's work as a Womanist has been to PROTEST the horrible female 
circumcision/infibulation that afflicts at least 100 million African women (my country
Sudan and Egypt are the world's leaders in this ancient Islamic practice)....but I have also used my vagina to my advantage with men.  My birth mother did not allow my Clitoris to
be removed in the Infibulation process and that has been a great blessing to me.

Transplanted to Western Society/Culture as a young girl...I was able manipulate men
all through my 20's and 30's with the outrageous lie that I was a "virgin" and that he'd
be the first one getting it.  When he DID get it---I usually got lots of money and gifts;
incredible respect for this sweet "virtuous" African girl who never been fucked before.

Tight stuff, girls, is GOOD to have.

So many Western women do themselves a favor by douching with Vinegar & Water (to
get a pucker pull-in) and doing CRUNCHES...daily, 50 to 100 CRUNCHES per
day).

This gives you tighter coochie, Sisters, and though it is work, there are intimate moments
when you'll be glad you put in time. Of course, you have to get a dildo and practice
USING your tightened stomach muscles to make your vagina "GRIP." If you can
master "gripping" with your vagina--you'll have power that a lot of other women
don't have.  Men love it when their penis "arm wrestles" with the vagina.

Once you pass 40 and have had babies...the time that most women complain of being
"way too loose," you might consider going to a Doctor and having your vagina
RE-Tightened. It is a safe surgical process and many women are starting to do it.

I'm not saying that you should...I'm just saying that a Tight Tiny Pussy is not something
that all the other girls at the office or on the subway are likely to have going for them.

Men like tight little holes because Psychologically it makes them feel so BIG and dominating---and it feels really silky good when it's gripping their staff. 

 

SURFACE (BEING AND BECOMING)

"American Film audiences of the 1910's and 1920's had never seen anything as
brazenly sensuous as the foreign film stars that came to dominate our screens. These
women were unapologetically illicit with a talent for being provocative, stylish and
Obscene all at the same time--Greta Garbo and Pola Negri were nothing like American women, and for a time, foreign women on the big screen were our only link to anything wild and forbidden.  They ruled the box office"--Charles Sanderson (1978)
  




"Kola Boof is OUR Marlene Dietrich"
                          --Nathan Reynolds, Newscorp (2005)


When I first came to America, I couldn't speak English and my only friends
were Silent Films from that glorious age of Immigrant European sensuality.

As an artist, I relate very much to the idea of the woman having "Sexual Power"
within the society.  I realize that it's not a Character Trait of West African women
or Black American women, but I feel it's time for them to give up the GUILT of
"slavery rape" and Black men blaming them for it. It's time for Black American
women to stop being obsessed with "respectability" and all themselves some
sensuality and PUBLIC sexual release....so that their image is more Womanly
and Feminine.
 

(Model Nnenna)

I'm not even going to try and pretend that I relate to women who aren't
"Sensual" (And you find that a lot of American women aren't sensuous, they
have "snobbishness dismissive attitudes" or "hang ups" about sexuality, because this is a Judeo Christian Society instigated by a White Victorian Folkway/Moral system--mainly to control the females and keep their sexuality "regulated" just as African/Arab "female genital circumcision & infibulation" are done to Black women to keep us controlled and
regulated. In other words, we're "tamed"---so that men can OWN our sexuality--our
husbands, our Pastors, our boy's network--they use these bullshit religions to keep
us as "STOCK herd" and to use us to make babies; keep their house; police each other's
pussy's and pretty much believe that unless we have a Man--w'ere nothing).

I grew up and rejected Islam and Christianity, because I felt much more affinity with
the ancient Afro-Nilotic Womanist Religions that use a woman's menstral cycle and
her bare breasts are Sacred Centeredness and establish the Sun and the River to be
"Church" for the Black Woman. 

Western Women (and West African or African Christianized/Islamic women) carefully separate their spirituality from their sexuality. The put everything in a compartment
of its own. 

But on the Blue Nile in my homeland--where women still go topless and believe that
"end of bleeding period (menopause)" means you're now officially a Goddess--it is felt
(and I agree and embrace this)....that spirituality and sensuality are simultaneous,
and that is why...while I've always love Jesus, God, the Bible...I could never get into
Christianity or Islam or Judaism (the man-made religious institutions).
 
To me, a woman sitting in church, should be both Virtuous and Sexually Illicit, because
--a woman's pussy is also a Church.  Our pussy is power and our vaginas, if we're
allowed to touch them, own them and be bodaciously proud of them--give us enormous
autonomy and weight-less-ness.

So don't be ashamed of the beauty and ART that is "sex."  And don't allow anyone,
including "Political Feminists" to put a stigma on your sexual expression and your
feelings of health and wellness as they pertain to sexuality. Embrace and experience
yourself...sexually...as fully and as naturally as you possibly can.

I am not the promiscous whore that people often assume that I am. But I do like to
indulge "magic" when it comes sexually (meaning, the spirit hits me).  I don't have
shame, generally, about what I do. Sometimes, to make Westerners think I'm normal,
I pretend to be ashamed of something. But I'm not ashamed of getting fucked outdoors
doggystyle up against the mail box, skirt hiked up or up against the National Bank wall,
legs twined around my boyfriend's waist--incidents that happened with my boyfriends when I was in my 20's. It was right for that moment...and it brought joy and fresh air to my heart; my blood pumping; my vagina; my mind.

Sucking my husband's cock while he's driving & having truckers blow their whistle
because they're looking down into the car--turned me and my hubby on more.

It is also LOVE.

In every kind of physical sexual touch, even when there is no emotion involved,
there is still an "element" of love involved--otherwise, neither of the CONSENTING
adults would be able to "get it up."   Sex makes you feel good and it keeps you young.

Masturbation is wonderful, too. It's SAFE and it allows you to have any partner you
want anywhere in the world. You'e also usually guaranteed to have an orgasm on
your level and in your time. Enjoy that and cherish it, too.

A woman who is "happy" inside, glowing even...is very likely to attract and have a man.



 

INTERRACIAL LOVE



Many Sisters feel hopeless on the "Black Man" front and they constantly surmice about
how wonderful things would be if they could just give in and go "interracial."

The biggest misconception about Kola Boof, of course, is that I'm "against" interracial relationships (people read "sound bites" and not my actual books).  No one seems to notice that I am attacking the epidemic of "self-hatred" in Africans and not necessarily the natural reality that "some" people from opposing races are SUPPOSED to be together--usually 3% when those opposing races are on a "level playing field." 

More than that, my critics don't realize that I've been in many interracial relationships.  The longest being with a White Jewish businessman for five years in Fairfax, Virginia.

Overall, I can attest that the majority of these relationships were no different than the ones I had with my natural mate and heart--Black men.

I like White Men, I don't believe they're the devil (I just think they got to the "gun"
first so to speak
), and I can honestly say that most of the ones I had were incredibly
good to me; healed me; taught me and were really great lovers in bed.  Much better
lovers, in fact, than "stereotypes" would have many of us believe.

Something interesting for Black American brothers and sisters to realize...is that many times, African people feel more in common with Europeans than with Black Americans, because most Africans, even the lowest "peasant" African, feels the same level of "entitlement" that Whites feel.

A major characteristic of Black Americans (who to me, are "Africans") is that the American Black is descended from being "kidnapped, raped, hung, brainwashed (enslavement)", so they tend to be obsessed with this evil abusive parent (White America) to the point that they can only see that Parent and not themselves. In a room full of American Blacks, everything they talk about or contemplate is checked first with "what would the Whites do? What would the Whites think?"  Constantly a Black American will tell me--"Well to the White people she's black, so that's what makes her black." And I always respond: "But what about us? What about what WE think? Why is everything that Black American's 'believe' always qualified through White people's rules?" 

When WHITES say that they want a "country club" where only Whites are allowed
---many people in Africa nod in agreement that it's only natural they should be able
to have their "fellowship space." Many Africans don't understand how it's racist for
Whites to want fellowship with other whites or to preserve their wondrous blond
hair and blue eyes. That "thinking" is not racist--it is African; and was once American Indian. (Now--of course the people in African are ignorant, because they don't know the WHOLE STORY--White racism goes far beyond the desire for "fellowship" & "self-preservation"...but my point...is that many Africans feel the sense of "completeness" and 
"superiority" that Europeans or Asians or any normal human beings feel.) 

So in that way, it is very easy for me to be with White men and still feel that he wasn't
quite "good enough"--just as he may have been secretly feeling about me. (And, honestly,
this is a great component of interracial relationships--one partner, usually the White one,
growing to feel that they got the "sham end" of the stick.)

What always destroyed my relationships with White men...is that they expected me
to distance myself from my African identity and from Black people's "issues." American Whites, especially, have this camel shit notion that if you "notice race"--then you're racist.  But I think to not notice someone's face, language, background, whatever--is to be a liar and a fool.

How can you love me and genuinely embrace me if you can't appreciate and value my
Blackness and the experience that comes with this Black skin and African hair?  

Little by little, these wonderful White boyfriends wanted me to Conform to their comfort zone--to basically become a Vanilla girl dipped in chocolate. And of course--always with White men--is the dilemna of having "mixed children."  Whereas Black people love, welcome and even prefer mixed babies (because they think so little of blackness)...WHITES are more like Ethiopians and Cushitic Nilotics--they agonize over not pro-creating their own image (and, of course, at 17--I had aborted a child by a White man for similar reasons--my White Arab Egyptian father had made me promise before he died to never have a baby without "proof" on its head, and to use Mahdi Pappuh's exact words, "...a good authentic African skin coloring").    

I've also had Latino men (which is very similar, but not quite, to having a Black man)
and of course, my relations with Arab men are well documented. I got it on with a sexy
Korean guy once, because I just wanted to experience it so bad--being with FOON (the
Asians).  In L.A., an American-Indian male stripper and I had a very raunchy one night stand.  I'm saying this to let you know that whether it was a long term relationship or just casual "curiosity," I've had ALL men and other than the fact that Black Men have less power and status than the other races of men--they're all basically the same; except Black men have a slight edge in "flavor," owing to being oppressed and having to deify the Black Penis in lieu of not owning Skyscrapers and Moon Stations.

What I will warn sisters about is this.....

Just as many Black men have the mentality that "black girls are to be used for sex" and
abandoned and that even lowest White waitress is better than the fly-est Black Chick... 

...even more Non-Black men (White, Latino, Arab) think that way.

It's definitely possible that you can find "true love" with a White man (my friend, the
Cultural Writer EVIA has the ideal, in my opinion, with a wonderful White man, Darren).
But what I'm saying--is that you shouldn't expect a "bed of roses" and Soap Opera romance just because you've moved to Upper Jennyville to find your White King.

There are many SNOW TROJANS out there.

A SNOW TROJAN is a Young Hip-hop generation White guy (often from the suburbs) whose seen "Waiting to Exhale" and read Kola Boof novels and deliberately "prowls" the Black community looking for these "lonely beautiful man-less young black women" that he's heard nobody wants...and, as he wines and dines these Black Princesses, he actually talks to you about "Black women's man shortage" and "70% of you will never be married"....and like a predator, he "pegs" these Hot Young Black Chicks, 5 and 10 girls a week, and then after he's pegged you and got your hopes up, he disappears.  In his world in the Valley--his buddies don't even know that he likes Black girls for "sport." He's a kind of "Hawk", a SNOW TROJAN. 

Of course, in California (where I live) Mexican hunks also make a killing "at night" on the lonely Black girl crops.  Well, actually, it's in broad daylight, too. Up in Canada, I've seen European immigrant men boasting about it "Dietrich get the African men's daughters if you have to--they're easy; nobody wants them in daylight--they come with no fight.")
  
My point is that...the GRASS is NOT necessarily greener on the other side.

You must realize that if you put yourself out to search for interracial horizons...the
exploitation and Contempt for Black women is very real and deep no matter where you
land, and although you are precious and valuable, you will have to protect yourself and to be observant/cognizant.

Since statistics (70%) show that we're supposedly not likely to ever have a man all to ourselves---I can certainly understand why so many young Black women and teenaged girls are suddenly HOPEFUL about "interracial relationships."

And, of course, the phenomena of "STRAIGHT" Black women entering Lesbian
relationships so that they can know love and belonging is also an "unspoken about" characteristic in the Black community now, as so many high school and college age Black girls write and email me about it. All I can say--is that if you're able to be with another woman (to have a partner and raise your kids together), even with the knowledge that you're "straight"---and that's what you want---then do it. 

I could not do it, personally. But I do know that many young black women are "down-low" living this way to survive and have families nowadays and I have read about this "solution" in my idol Alice Walker's books many times.  So...I understand.

 

SURFACE (HOW I LOST MY HUBBY)
(Don't Do It Sisters--don't do it!)



Many people who follow me on TWITTER are well aware of my ex-hubby's
continuing dedication to me and our two sons. 

What they don't know is the "LIE" I told that eventually caused our "love nest"
to come crashing down.

First of all, to Simon Palacio--I am NAIMA (my birth name is Naima Bint Harith).
He never knew about "Kola the writer."

And the LIE came about like this: 

When we first got together, we were amazed to have found in each other "a cultural twin"--a proud Black "Garifuna" tribesman from BELIZE (Central America) and a proud Black Nilotic Woman from SUDAN by way of "Black America & Anacostia Park, D.C."  We VOWED to make a new our home "a little corner of Africa's Eden" in California and to nurture, respect and love one another and to produce proud, beautiful black babies.

This VOW included "my lie"---the promise that I would not work outside the home or have a "career" and that I was content to make Simon the focus of my life and be by his side---"until we grow older than the 100's...my dear, dear Naima," Simon always said. 

Neither Simon nor my Black American adoptive parents knew anything about my
PAST FEW YEARS in North Africa as an actress/model ("paid party girl"), working for Sudan's Vice Presient Hasan al Turabi (my sugar daddy) and Libya's Moamar Khadafi, and especially didn't know about my involvement with OSAMA BIN LADEN. I didn't want people in America to ever know about that and it never occurred to me that the Media would dig "me" up while researching Bin Laden.

What Simon and my parents did know was that I had "dabbled in writing" with feminist
groups in London, Spain--and that I had been a member of the SPLA (Sudanese People's
Liberation Army)--hand picked by Deng Ajak for special missionary work around Europe.

Immediately after Simon and I began living together in California--I "secretly" continued the writing career that I had started in Brixton (London) and Spain; and late at night, I engaged in my "HOBBY"--writing novels and poetry.

Simon had nothing against it, because it was just like cooking and gardening--a hobby.
He had no idea that his wife Naima was slowly becoming an internationally published novelist and poet--and I saw no reason for him to be bothered with it.

We had the most wonderful, happy home imaginable. Simon got his electrical business
off the ground and I enjoyed doing what I've always loved since I was very small child
--cooking all day and penning novels & poems at night. We had two baby boys.

In all, I've been pregnant 4 times by Simon (all boys); we miscarried two of them. I miscarried another boy child in 1996 by Osama Bin Laden at La Maison Arabe, and I aborted what I believe was a boy at 17 by my White "sponsor-lover" in Fairfax, Virgina. So that's 6 boys, and two lived.

I thought the very worst events of my life (such as witnessing my birth parents executed
in front of me at age 8 in Sudan)...were behind me now. I had everything I wanted.

And then it all came crashing down...

In 2001, The London Guardian Newspaper in England was planning to write a feature article about "Bin Laden's Secret Afro-American Mistress"--and I immediately DENIED that I had ever been his mistress (you may be able to GOOGLE it online still).

Unfortunately, the London Guardian contacted the United States State Department and
began dropping stories to the Bush Administration that Bin Laden's "mistress" was hiding
out in the United States.

ALL HELL BROKE LOSE---I was threatened with deportation (to include the deporting of my babies); my story made international headlines--thus alerting SIMON! and my
Black American Adoptive Parents to my PAST with Bin Laden (something that truly
shocked and horrified them)--and under the Patriot Act, I was placed on America's
"Suspected Terrorist" List.

Luckily, Morocco's Italian Prince Fabrizzio Ruspoli...owner of La Maison Arabe where I lived with Bin Laden, told the Americans that I had been there "against my will" and that
I wasn't a danger to anymore--just a sweet girl that "bad men" had got hold of and kept
against her will at his estate.

At this same time (2001-2002), the government of Sudan placed a Fatwa (order for me
to be Beheaded)..because of Anti-Muslim, Anti-Arabic political statements I had made
in my original European/African published books and poems. This coincided with the
release of my short story collection in the United States ("Long Train to the Redeeming Sin") and a spate of outrageous and often "racist" media coverage began about me.

Simon was shocked and totally speechless.

Suddenly he was faced with someone he'd never heard of---KOLA the activist/writer--and immediately, he hated her!

I thought he was going to walk out then--but as pissed off as he was, he stayed.

Due to the Fatwa from Sudan---we were put under "FEDERAL PROTECTION" for 5 years (something that Simon held, of course, against me).  He just couldn't believe that I had destroyed our family this way--by keeping a WHOLE WORLD of shit away from him!

On the Bright Side--Simon was a "Black Republican."  He made friends with our protectors (including the NSA, who I believed were trying to do mind control on us) and he got a "contract" for his electical business with the U.S. State Department and was able to buy the $3 million dollar ranch that I wanted.    

Just a few years ago, when the "Bin Laden Scandal" began to cool down...it became obvious to Simon that my Writing career was not going to end, but was in fact getting much bigger.  I started writing for NBC's "Days of Our Lives" and other daytime soaps
as a Ghost Writer. I was now this other person "Kola Boof" and Simon shouted, indignantly, "I want my Naima back!"

He came to me and told me that I had a choice: I could have him and be Queen of his household....or I could pursue my Writing Career and my "activism" as Kola Boof and he would move out.

It was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life. But I knew that if I didn't go
on with my writing and my activism that it would literally kill me later on down the line.

Simon turned the offices over his business into an "apartment" and moved there.  Within a few months, he was dating his new girlfriend--the secretary I had hand-picked to work under him during happier times--a pretty gingerbread-colored Jamaican girl 15 years younger than me.  She and I no longer like each other, but she's still today, his girlfriend.

It still burns. But honestly, I blame myself, because I knew going in that of Chief importance to Simon was that his "Queen" and mother of his children--be a traditional
African woman who does not work outside the home.

Yes, it's sexist...but still, sexist or not, Simon is the best man I've ever known; and I had agreed to the Vows.

I lied to him knowing full well that I was going to have my career.

So girls--don't lie to your men. Be up front and honest and just be who you are. 

  

SURFACE (MISTRESS or "MAID/JumpOff")



Some women prefer having their freedom and getting their needs met by
someone else's hubby....and though my fondest memories are the 10 years I
spent as a "Housewife"....I've done even more time with men as a "Mistress."

Of course CHRISTIAN and MUSLIM sisters don't consider being a mistress
as "having a man"--to them; it's SIN.

But to me, it's just one more arrangement that goes on between men and women
in society.

I once got slapped in the mouth by my Black American Adoptive Mother (a wife all her life) when I asked her: "Since almost all of these Men cheat anyway....why not be the one he's cheating with instead of being the miserable tearful Wife bogged down with
kids?
"

There's still "a part of me" that feels that way.

Now that women are engrained in the work force and have careers--being a
man's mistress isn't the worst plight in the world. I really relate to the relationship
Katharaine Hepburn had for so many decades with Spencer Tracy.  For the most
part, their bond was much more intense than anything he had with his wife. They
were intellectual and sexual partners in crime and the affair was like a "marriage
with weekly holidays...plenty of space for Katharine to be the accomplished feminist
icon that she was."

What I personally like about being a man's mistress (and I am NOT speaking about Osama Bin Laden in any of this--I am speaking about "consentual" relationships I had)....but what I liked is that I didn't really have to put up with The Man for more than a few hours and I had my space/privacy/room to breathe and WRITE. 

As a man's MAID (Jump off/Booty Call), it's almost purely sexual (and some women
like that arrangement, too, especially when they just want to get poked by a certain
guy and he's unavailable)...but being a MISTRESS is different.

It involves an intense emotional connection; a partnership of sorts---only the man is not there with you.

Christmas, birthdays, holidays in general can be miserable. And it's very tragic if you
should be stupid enough to become pregnant when you're nothing more than the
Mistress. But other than those drawbacks, it can be incredibly satisfying.

You get to share romantic meals, winning conversation and passionate sex with a man who loves you on the down low--and because he "goes home to wifey"---the two of
you are always MISSING each other; you're so glad to see each other when you reunite,
which leads to passionate hugs, kisses, impatient fucking in the entrance way or on the
patio.

Honestly, it can be very addictive and the "forbidden fruit" aspect usually makes
the sex a raging inferno.

And it IS a way of having a man--it's just that you're sharing him with someone else;
you're an intruder; you might be draining the spirit from his children's situation at
home---and if you are causing pain due to your relationship with this man---then KARMA will surely come back and fuck your ass up in ways you never imagined.

You could end up an old lady all alone while he and Wifey retire in solitude...or you could lay in a hospital dying of a dreadful disease and wondering what you ever did to deserve such agony and pain. Bitch.


That's the only thing about that "Mistress Position." One way or another, you pay a
heavy price...eventually.


SURFACE (HAREMS)

Most of the women I know doing this are White--but I have one Black sister who
is an extremely wealthy executive in New York, 42 years old, and prefers having
a "Harem."   She basically has "studs" that puts up in apartments around the country
and buys them cars, clothes. She has a Latino 19 year old soccer player in L.A., a
gorgeous Black "thug" hunk she takes care of in Houston, another Black cutie about
18 or 19 in Atlanta, a White 22 year old driving instructor in Washington, D.C. and
her "Primary Man"--a 33 year old Black/singer-songwriter that lives with her in
Manhattan.

I can't afford it, but who knows--maybe when I'm 60 and nobody wants to fuck me
anymore--I'll be super rich by then and can afford to "treat" myself.  


 

    
IN CLOSING

PART 2: "DEEPER"



Sisters...in closing; I feel that I've given you some pretty potent tips on how
to get a man guaranteed.  I've also shared the "mistakes" I made.  Mistakes
it would be wise for
you to avoid.

Some of you will have to read my Tips twice for all that I've told you to really
sink in and be "adaptable" to your own life and personality. But trust me, my way
works--I've always had plenty of men; plenty of choices--and I'm not a great
beauty or a Babe...but then again, I'm BETTER, because I know how to work
what I got.

Above all sisters (and this is the Cherry on top of a woman)....make it your
ambition to be a woman who is "About something."

It's the greatest most crucial aspect of the human dynamic--that we not just
exist and survive, but that as time progresses forward, we are "About something"
that's not SURFACE; not materialistic; not covetous or self-destructive. Our goal
is to be "fully developed" as human beings. And if you really want a MAN and
to have something special with him--then it would do you good to "have your
own back; financially, spiritually and emotionally
" and to be about something.

That way, if you end up alone...you'll still be happy!

tima usrah
(through fire..comes the family)


"THE EGYPTIAN FACE" (portrait of Kola Boof)
By al-Sik Mustafa Waleed



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KOLA BOOF has a new novel coming in 2010, "VIRGINS IN THE BEEHIVE"
**Read what it's about:

http://mirrormax.i8.com/virgins2010.html

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Offical website: http://www.kolaboof.com

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